August 24th-25th

Anyone who is involved with Candler School of Theology knows that it has it's issues. It is a top 3 seminary. It houses world-reknown professors. It is completely divided racially.

It's obvious, Just walk around. People are aware of it but I still think the fact that it 'appears' how it does is completely subconscious. It you ever walk into our fellowship area you'll see it first thing. In class, when people sit together, it's obvious. People grouped together outside—it's obvious. Some of the organizations we have are intentionally divisive. It's amazing and wonderful how different some things (at least) are in Africa.

In a discussion last semester in my Systematic Theology class we set out to have a forum discussion about racism, sexism, ageism, and socio-economic divisiveness. During the class we never got past racism and only one particular race was able to speak—it greatly dominated the conversation and the professor didn't see otherwise. It was the most uncomfortable class I've ever sat in on. I had never been made to feel ashamed for the history of the people who share the color skin that I do. I'm not exactly sure what the professor was trying to achieve. I was hurt.

We are in South Africa now. We've been here about 10 days. The tensions that exist at Candler were felt and were obvious on day one or even the night before we left. It was brought up yesterday by a student at an entirely inappropriate time. We were meeting with the other delegates from our country and not all the delegates were from Candler so they were subjugated to the discussion. Our professors confirmed this student's observations. We were basically chastised blatantly for being racists. We were asked (by fellow student) how exactly we thought we were going to be pastors acting how we were. We had fingers pointed in our faces. I was appalled. I was appalled that anyone in our immediate group thought that they could justify, themselves, calling anyone else out. Especially this person. Especially this person who'd not said a word to me in 10 days.

Let me explain a few things. We naturally flock to the people we care about, the people we like, or the people we are most comfortable around. Now, that spans race for me. I've been sitting and communing with Africans, whites, blacks, Asians, Brazilians, etc. all week. I jump in the van to run from the center to our house depending upon, not who is in the van, but if the van has an open front seat so that I don't get sick.

It seems, sometimes, that the people who notice the problem the most are the ones causing the problem. I don't think, for a moment, that there is a complete divisiveness just because of race. I think we are taking personality problems and disguising them as racial issues (because it's so easy to play the race card). We're in Africa. I'm highly outnumbered here (I joke!). We are each different and sometimes we just clash. Personality issues we could sit down and address but if with disguise these issues as issues of race then there's no quick way we can fix the problem. It's a shame.

I went to church with Ashley on Sunday morning. In the afternoon we were talking about our experience there. She mentioned that we were the only white folks there. I stopped and thought for a moment. There were about 150 people there that morning and not for a moment had I realized that I was the only white person in the crowd (well, Ashley too). This explains why Ashley made a child cry. LOL. The child was afraid of her! The point is, I didn't even notice. I felt right at home. I may have felt different because I was an American but for no other reason at all.

I'm proud of my parents at times--well, almost always really. I have cool parents in comparison to some. My parents raised me to be outspoken, bold, and opinionated (which sometimes clashes with like personalities). They also raised me to be color-blind. I didn't realize the white/black tensions until I was in school learning the history. My best friend in middle-school was black. We never even thought about it. I remember that my brother's best friend for years was black too. We just didn't care. We were in most ways, the same.

Now all of the sudden we're different. Now, all of the sudden, every time we have a tiff we are racist (on both sides). I just do not get it. I don't agree that this is our problem. I do believe that at times we have to remember to be intentional about being inclusive of each other—but not because of race—because we are Christians who love each other and no one should feel as thought they are left out of that.

The other night, at the center, we had a cultural night where each culture had an opportunity to present something from their culture. It was kinda like a South African talent show. I was filming the show for the Institute so I didn't get to participate. When the American group got up to 'perform' they were introduced by one in the group with a disclaimer that they were going to worship like the Black Church in America did. Well, this obviously struck a chord. I watched some of the white folks look around confused. This was supposed to be showing the Africans the American Culture—not the Black Church culture from America. Intentional—Intentional Inclusivity.

I feel like we're about to tear each other a part. I feel like those pointing fingers aren't 'self-aware.' I feel like I've lost my voice again.

The Africans are amazing. We're American—they understand that we're far away from home and go out of their way to help us acclimate. If there is anything I stand out for, it is not because I'm white, it is because I'm a woman. There's not many of them here at the conference. At the same time, no one cares that I am. Or, possibly, I stand out because I'm young. I'm kinda used to that. I remember being the youngest person in our conference to ever be certified as a lay speaker.

I am young. I am a woman. I am white. First, though, I am God's. We all are. It keeps us together. It bind us. Everything else pulls us apart. I wish that we could first hold onto the ties that bind us. They bind us to each other in Africa. They bind us together at school or in class. They bind us with Africa, Brazil, Korea, Mexico, Britain, all of us.

Let us be colorblind.